Talk Stupid

If I Could Answer My Spam

// June 22nd, 2009 // DVs Observations

I know that a lot of you get SPAM in your inbox and I don’t mean the meat, unless by “inbox” you think I’m talking about your mouth, which would speak volumes about your economic class. And, yes, I like mine with eggs. Anyway…

I’ve been getting some SPAM that I wish I could answer back, but if I did, it would just confirm that my e-mail address is a working one and I’d probably get TONS more SPAM than I already do. So, what do I do? I’ll answer them here on Talk Stupid.

From: Me
Subject: Last Elvis video
My Reply Would Be: Dear Me, I had no idea I/you was/were around when Elvis died on the crapper. What an epiphany! Amazing.

From: Rose
Subject: are my boobs lopsided?
My Reply Would Be: Dear Rose, yes, your boobs are SEVERELY lopsided. Seriously, you can probably make a lot of money as a carnie being the main attraction, “Lopsided Tits”. Other than that, and your Billy Dee Williams thick mustache, you are HOT!

From: Ellen
Subject: am I ugly?
My Reply Would Be: Not to Stevie Wonder… unless he did that touching you with his hands thing on your face. Anyway, heed the same advice above and join a carnival.

From: Dr. Jones
Subject: Would you like to add 5″-7″ to your cock
My Reply Would Be: WHO WOULDN’T?!?!?! I’d then have 6″-8″!!! WOO HOO!!!

From: Marcelo
Subject: Hello
My Reply Would Be: What’s good, homeboy? Would you like to add 5″-7″ to your cock?