I’m as competitive as the next guy, so much so that I don’t even let my son win Connect Four unless my wife is in the room and she gives me a look. But, this reporter forgetting what “professional” means straight faced a kid. A kid! Dunked right in the kid’s grill… lilke that was going to be so hard. Douchebag.
It’s one thing if the kid is yours and you just want him to be competitive like I do with my son, but it’s another when you start talking trash to a kid that isn’t yours, even if you’re fucking around. And, really, you have to take out all of your aggression on a little kid? Someone must have been a spaz on the courts growing up.
Back in the 1980s, there was this little show called, “The A-Team,” which starred Mr. T as B.A. Baracus, an actor/character as iconic as any other during this great decade of high hair, neon bracelets, and the dawn of bad commercials that would be indelibly ingrained in people’s minds. “Where’s the beef” anyone?
In any case, living on 86th street and Northern Boulevard in Queens, NY at the height of the A-Team fame, my friends and I would always play A-Team. Danny was Murdoch because he was crazy, Kevin played Hannibal because he was a natural leader, John would be Face because, well, he had to play someone, and I was B.A. Baracus because I was black… kidding! I had the most gold chain necklaces out of everyone. Yes, I was straight baller back then.
And now, about a quarter-century later I see that the A-Team van is on sale on Craigslist. I swear, if I lived in Portland, I would definitely buy this hunk of junk. I’d just cruise all over and at stoplights and stop signs, just telling fools on the sidewalk that I pitied them. Yeah… baller.
The good folks over at Coed Magazine have 210 pictures of drunken shame and every single one of them is hilarious! Of course most of the victims are sleeping and taken advantage of, but that’s the price you pay when you drink – your friends WILL fuck with you. The common theme throughout most of the pics is how much the subject of said picture loves penis and would happily give you a BJ for a mere $5 that you can simply leave in his pocket.
However, something that really had me thinking was, how much do you have to drink without feeling your hair getting cut and buzzed? I mean, getting drawn on is one thing, but actually having something make a ton of noise and vibrating on you, but still you feel nothing? The situation must have been thisclose to alcohol poisoning is my guess.
So, I’m sure you’re wondering if I’ve ever gotten this drunk and the answer is – I DON’T DRINK!
Growing up I wasn’t exactly Mr. Rico Suave with the ladies… I know, I know, it’s hard to believe, but it’s true. I was one of the most awkward guys when surrounded by girls because I had no idea what to do around them besides sweat and worry about not having any idea what to do around them. If only they had the Pick Up Lines Generator back then I would have been macking it!
Seriously with the below lines as examples, how could a dude not succeed with women?
Do you like magic? I want to cast a spell on you with my magic meat wand.
If I said you had a hot body, would you hold it against me?
Do you like cheesy lines or do you just want to do it?
This is a condom. If we put it on, we can have sex.
Want to see my stamp collection?
Gold! All of it is gold! So, check out the site and save some of the lines for future use and be ready to get women like it was breathing!
Off the bat, I’ll tell you that my partner in Talk Stupid, Erik, thinks this video is crap. I happen to think it’s fuckin’ GOLD! Why? Because it’s so bad! I can’t even tell you how bad this thing is. I guess I happen to have the stomach to watch bad shit and stick with it, such reality TV, Paris Hilton nightvision videos, and Erik hitting on chicks.
Anyway, the video is a diluted and horrible version of Batman and Robin along with the Penguin and Joker… and Spider-Man. As a midget. Wait a minute, isn’t Spider-Man a Marvel Comics character and not a DC one? Yes. Isn’t Spider-Man a normal-sized human being and not Hobbit-sized? Yes. Does this just add to how bad this video is? Most definitely.
Now, I’m Filipino as some of you that listen to the podcast know… By the way, Erik and I are coming back soon with new TS podcasts, so keep your eyes open to open your ears to podcast gold… and I think it’s perfectly fine to make fun of all races, your own included. This is why I don’t really care about putting this video out there and promoting how terrible Flips copy shit. Seriously.
It’s like every Asian country, for the most part, try to take the popular thing in the United States and run with it… just like a few years, sometimes decades, too late. I have cousins there now in the Phillipines just getting into NWA and using Jheri curl juice on their hair. There’s even a new group called FWA… and, yes, it stands for Filipinos With Attitude. Why the attitude? They’re tired with all the run-by shootings, the heat produced from wearing black Carhartt jackets in 100-degree heat, and the fact that not too many of them can be Bloods versus the rampant part of the population that are Crips. Why more Crips than Bloods? Because most Flips have vitamin and mineral deficiencies and have cripple-like characteristics like the “short arm, hand to chest, bent at wrist” look.
Anyway, enjoy the video of a shitty wannabe copy of one of America’s greatest superheroes played by a pudgy guy that doesn’t even wear a mask, but only wears a hat to hide his secret identity. Hey, if glasses work for Clark Kent/Superman, why not?
Models. They’re put on a pedestal by most because they happened to be gifted with this thing called beauty, which is honestly in the eye of the beholder. For example, if you asked old school rapper (does he count as one?) Sir Mix-A-Lot, he’s not feeling models because he likes big butts, which most models do not have. And, yeah, he ain’t lyin’.
And, let me be clear here, by “model” I am talking about those skinny tall chicks with high cheekbones, visible bones, puffy lips, cigarette and vomit breath, and a tight cornhole due to a lack of use other than the day before a runway show or photo shoot. Do I stereotype? Sure. But, of course, there are exceptions to stereotypes, such as these videos courtesy of Coed Magazine where models fall!
This is a comedy blog... we are joking here. We might say things that are racist, sexist, and every other "-ist" that is not cool in this politically correct world. But, we honestly do not hate anyone... except those that cannot take a joke and/or actually take us (US!) seriously. You people can fuck off. We don't want you here... we're being stupidists.
