Talk Stupid

I Wish I Could Spit Rhymes

// August 30th, 2009 // No Comments » // DVs Observations

BeatCrave breaks down obnoxious displays of “I gots money” in the hip hop community and I wouldn’t mind making some of that cake from rhyming. Seriously, who wouldn’t want a mouth full of diamonds? It’s not like if a piece falls off and I accidentally swallow it there’s a chance of it might rip the lining of my intestines. Aren’t diamonds soft? I mean, when I have a Madden session with my PlayStation, the diamonds on my controller makes it feel like my thumbs are pressing on soft leather. The thing I don’t get though is why the hell would anyone get diamonds on brass knuckles? The diamonds make it feel like the person is getting hit with a fluffy pillow. And I’m pretty sure that Jesus, a man who knew style from back in the day and in favor of excess (apostles, miracles, and good deeds count, right?) would’ve loved to have his face made of diamonds. You go, Kanye!

I wish I could rap!

Fighting With Meat

// August 29th, 2009 // No Comments » // DVs Observations

And, yes, it is as gay as it sounds. Wow. Just a really weird and creepy video.

Love These License Plates

// August 29th, 2009 // No Comments » // DVs Observations

I’m sure you’ve all been driving along when some vanity license plate catches your eye and after reading it, you just rolled your eyes and thought, “What a stupid license plate.” Some examples would be DADSGURL, JONSCAR, PRNCSS, ERIKROKS, etc. However, the funny license plates here, courtesy of The Chive, will make you sincerely laugh. That is if you are sadistic, perverted, and/or a heavy metal fan.

This Kid Has Moxie!

// August 26th, 2009 // No Comments » // DVs Observations, F'in Sports!

Oh, the good old days of Little League baseball… I remember it well. You don’t know how many home runs I had because my ground ball got past the infielder, which was then incapably handled by the outfielder, and myself crossing home plate as the ball sailed over the catcher thanks to a horrible throw from the cut-off man. Okay, so maybe they weren’t legit homers, but to a seven-year-old kid, it was a homer no matter what.

Imagine then how much legitimacy there is when you play in the Little League World Series where there is no room for dumb mistakes and where nothing comes cheaply. Yeah, pressure. Which is why I love this kid in the video – he just doesn’t give a fuck! He just wants to hit batters or sit on the bench… he’s just so pissed at himself that he wants to take it out on the other team! Seriously, he hasn’t felt this way at some point? The kid is just more honest about it.

H/T to Steve K.

There Is A Man Named Jared…

// August 25th, 2009 // No Comments » // DVs Observations

… no, not the Subway guy, but the Victoria’s Secret guy. This Jared has entered the aforementioned catalog’s Body By Victoria contest and, as of this writing, is #2 in the rankings. He needs to be #1, folks, so spread the word and get your friends to vote. In fact, you can vote multiple times as I have. Sure, he has more facial hair than I like my Victoria’s Secret models to have, but it would send a great message if Jared wins the contest.

And that message? Women with facial hair have nothing to feel bad about, as long as they look hot in lingerie. And if you ask me, this is a message every woman, particularly in Latin countries, should know.

Why The Hell Would You Agree To Do This?

// August 25th, 2009 // No Comments » // DVs Observations

DUDE ON BACK: Bro! Jump on my balls, dude.
DUDE GETTING READY TO JUMP: Okay, bro.

Why the hell would you voluntarily let someone jump on your nuts? I mean, unless you’re part of the Jackass crew and actually get paid to feel testicular pain, why bother? No one else is going to get famous from doing dumb stunts like this, and I mean beyond YouTube. I can make a video of me getting my balls bashed if I wanted to, but it would be purely masochistic… and I love my body, so why would I cause it pain in any way?

Homeless Signs That Will Make You Laugh

// August 20th, 2009 // No Comments » // DVs Observations

I think we can all sympathize for the homeless, right? We certainly wouldn’t want to be in their shoes and, honestly, we would all miss the sense of smell that slowly deteriorates when one becomes a transient. I mean, if you’re one of those people that looks in the mirror often to see if a hair is misplaced or someone that constantly rubs your nose thinking a hair is sticking out, you would hate being a hobo… because all of your worst nightmares of being imperfect come true. So, be sympathetic and feel bad for them.

In any case, far be it from me to exploit the homeless for a chuckle, but check out Holy Taco’s gallery of clever bum signage. If I saw any of these, i would gladly contribute to their inebriation, drug use, enabling their bum lifestyle path to fixing themselves up and being contributing citizens to society.