Talk Stupid

This Kid Is Annoying… EFF The Bacon!

// September 4th, 2009 // DVs Observations

Man, that woman is better than me. I think I would have slapped the kid across the face with the bacon pack. Okay, wait, I’m writing this on the internet and I can look like an asshole (okay, even more of an asshole) by saying what I said. I take it back. I wouldn’t do that.

But I would do this…

I’d take him to a farm, go to the pig pen, and say to the kid, “Oh, you like bacon, huh? You like bacon? Catch that pig!” At first I’m sure the kid would think it’s all fun and games chasing that pig and I’d help him catch it. But, once caught, things will surely turn… I’d tell the kid to tie the pig up, which I’m sure he’d do, but with hesitation. After that I’d hand the kid a knife and tell him to gut the pig and yell in his face, “Oh yeah, bacon is good. Let’s make our own bacon, son! Let’s make our own!!!”

Basically, I’d traumatize the kid so badly, and make him hate bacon so much, he’d convert and join the Nation of Islam, and sell pecan pies on the corner.