Ever stop yourself during the day and say, “Goddamn, I’m having a great day!” You know, you’re feeling good, feeling accomplished, feeling like you can do anything as long as you put your mind to it. But then, you get knocked on your head out of nowhere and it just ruins your day. Or at the very least, makes a big dent in your day. Well, in the video above, that’s what happens to the gymnast above – Jessica Gil Ortiz. Ouch.
There are a smattering of people in the world that would truly pitch a tent watching this video and those people are geeks. Yes, not just any type of geeks, but Star Trek geeks, who are clearly bigger losers than Star Wars geeks, of which I am one. The debate can rage like the hard-on those Star Trek losers surely will have after watching the above, but I won’t get into it here.
In any case, the video is still interesting enough to watch and either praise, make fun of, or wonder why… WHY?!?!
My Talk Stupid partner was nice enough to share this video with me because, well, he’s my hetero lifemate for a reason. He knows I love to laugh at funny shit… and this is definitely some funny shit. You know how sometimes we get inundated with information repeatedly and eventually the value of that information gets diluted? Well, there’s only so many times that we’ll hear that every Asian knows karate before we think, “Well, that’s some bullshit.”
Think about it, other than in movies and television, when was the last time you saw an Asian person perform any sort of martial arts move? For the most part, they’re very humble and peaceful and have no desire to fight. Well, don’t get it twisted. That seeming harmony that they have within and with the universe can turn into a heavy metal theme song as they beat down on bitches.
Case in point is above.
The best parts of this video is the yelling of “Fuck you” from the Old Dragon Lady because you know that’s one of the few phrases she knows in English and the other being the beatdown that includes the very hilarious outstretched foot stomp. That’s when you attempt to give the footstomp, but come up short, however, you leave your leg frozen there in the air like a ballerina. Why? Just like what the hell these crazy Chinese people are saying… it’s a mystery.
Back in the day when I was a grade-schooler and couldn’t control myself from pitching a tent thanks to puberty hitting me when I was about seven-years-old, one of the reasons, other than Alyssa Milano, I knew I loved chicks was Charles In Charge‘s Nicole Eggert. Wow, was she “sexy fine like a mother fucker” to me whenever I watched that show… in fact, no disrespect to Scott Baio and Willie Aames’ obvious on-screen chemistry, Eggert was the only reason I watched that dumb show. Who was in charge? My hormones, my friends, my raging fill-my-blood vessels hormones.
In any case, I swear to you I never watched Baywatch with any sort of regularity because I had this thing called a life, but I did catch a few episodes (of which I never watched to completion because I liked owning a lot of brain cells) just to see how Eggert grew up… and she was still “sexy fine like a mother fucker.”
After watching the above video with an obviously older and heavier Nicole Eggert, I have to be honest with you, she’s still got it. Maybe I’m just getting old and accept the natural weight gain that may happen, but I mean, she isn’t even fat to any degree. Man, our society sure is fucked up nowadays. Where’s Charles to make things all better? The world sure could use him right about now.
Leave your comments… what do you think? Eggert, hot or not?
Now, I have ZERO idea if this “Puff” application is real or not and while I do have an iPhone, I turned it off for the night and am too lazy to check if this app actually exists. I guess if I knew for sure it did, I’d be all over it. In any case, the app is simple enough – blow on your phone or move your fingers frantically up and down on the phone (perverts), you will achieve what you wish you could have when you were in grade school – a chick’s skirt blowing up revealing her panties.
I remember back in grade school the big thing as a second-grader was pinching all of the eighth grade girls’ buttocks. I wish I could say that those were the good old days, but I’m afraid that might incriminate me as a pedophile in some way considering I’m saying it now as a 30-something. Anyway, leave a comment if the “Puff” app is real and let us all know what hi-jinks you got yourself into using it… or maybe not. Keep it personal to yourself and wash your hands before you use the touchscreen again.
This is a comedy blog... we are joking here. We might say things that are racist, sexist, and every other "-ist" that is not cool in this politically correct world. But, we honestly do not hate anyone... except those that cannot take a joke and/or actually take us (US!) seriously. You people can fuck off. We don't want you here... we're being stupidists.
