Talk Stupid

Movie Review: Land of the Lost

// June 8th, 2009 // No Comments » // Movie Review

There has been a lot of hype for “Land of the Lost” and like most things hyped to the level of this movie, it does not deliver. Don’t get me wrong, the movie has its moments and Will Ferrell can still deliver a dry line in a very funny way, but the story just wasn’t engaging enough. But of course it’s not, it’s a popcorn movie, right? Well, still… I definitely didn’t feel like I got my money’s worth and the next time I run into Will, I am definitely asking for my $10 back.

However, Ferrell is one of those laid back comedic geniuses, Danny McBride is my new favorite funnyman thanks to his “Kenny Powers” character, and Anna Friel does a pretty good job in a limited role. But, the thing that really stood out to me was the special effects in this movie, something you don’t really expect from a Ferrell movie… I mean, you saw the make-up job in “Blades of Glory,” right? Despite that, I still can’t recommend this movie even if you are a fan of Ferrell, Mr. Powers, hot English chicks, and SFX.

The movie seemed too scattered and, honestly, the twist was predictable. Save your money at the theater and wait to queue this up on your NetFlix list or your next Will Ferrell movie marathon.

Rating: 2.0 out of 4.0 stars.

Movie Review: Drag Me To Hell

// June 2nd, 2009 // 1 Comment » // DVs Observations, Movie Review

Sam Raimi’s “Drag Me To Hell” has been widely praised by movie critics everywhere, as you can see from the above. Originally, I didn’t want to see this movie despite liking the “Evil Dead” masterpieces by Raimi because, frankly, it looked dumb in the previews. However, after reading some reviews and finding it necessary to give Raimi a shot, I went to check it out. And after seeing it…

… I’m conflicted.

The movie is not your normal horror flick that makes you hold your breath anticipating the bad guy/girl popping onscreen out of nowhere or has you making fudge in the back of your man-thong (that’s not just me, is it?)… nope, it has that Raimi sense of comedic horror, which isn’t for everyone. Myself, I got it, but it still left me feeling empty inside like that time I ate three boxes of Twinkies after finding out that George Michael was actually gay.

Anyway, the movie did have its moments, but I’m telling you, if the leading lady, Christine Brown, played by Alison Lohman, didn’t get some sort of liquid shot in her face more than a porn star, that was a bad porno. But, obviously, it’s part of the comedy and again I get it. But, it just wasn’t as funny as I would hope. And while I give props for Raimi’s use of the movie’s main plot device, it could have been hidden a little more, so while clever, I knew the ending about 30 minutes or so before the ultimate end.

In all, I give the movie 2.5 stars out of 4.0.

Scenes I Like – Swingers: The Ultimate Scene

// February 27th, 2009 // 1 Comment » // DVs Observations, Movie Review

I can’t believe this movie is 13 years old, but anyway, this scene is the ultimate one in the movie. It has the signature “you’re so money,” the claws and fangs dialogue, and the rules on how many days before you call a “baby” when you get her digits. Awesome. If you didn’t know, Jon Favreau, known nowadays for being the director of “Iron Man,” actually wrote this movie in one weekend. And look how skinny Vince Vaughn looks. When I saw this movie again recently, it made me feel good knowing that as you age, you just inevitably get a little paunchy as Vaughn and I have gotten. Okay, maybe I’ve become a little more than paunchy, but whatever.

In any case, if you haven’t seen this movie, check it out because the dialogue is pretty good (obviously) and you start to really feel for Favreau’s character, Mike. However, in the end, Heather Graham comes to the rescue in a great swing dance scene. Oh, also, in the end, Vaughn’s character, Trent, gets his comeuppance sort of speak, being a “baby.” FACE!

Movie Review – Fanboys

// February 7th, 2009 // 5 Comments » // Movie Review

Here is all you need to know about “Fanboys” – it opened on the wrong weekend. At least in the eight lucky cities around the U.S. First, also coming out this weekend, the much ballyhooed movie amongst the vagina-centric crowd, especially the single variety, “He’s Just Not That Into You (Unless You’re An STD-Free Slut Because Then He’ll Really Be Into You As Much As His Penis Can)”. So, basically, everyone will be seeing that movie – chicks, pussy-whipped dudes, and the gays. Luckily, my wife is cool and actually wanted to see “Fanboys” with, oh about, six other people. No, not friends of ours, six other people in the theater with us!!! I will not be surprised if this movie does not make much dinero at all, but mostly because it only opened in eight lucky cities.

I’ll get to the second reason as to why “Fanboys” opened on the wrong weekend in a minute. But right now…

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Movie Review: Seven Pounds

// January 2nd, 2009 // 2 Comments » // Movie Review

Figure Caption
Rosario: “I’m doing this to be in a Will Smith movie.”
Fresh Prince: “I’m doing this shitty film for the money.”

OMFG… WTF… DSTCM; Translation – Oh my god… what the fuck… don’t see this crappy movie. No, seriously, don’t see it because it’s really one huge commercial for you to sign your driver’s license to become an organ donor. Seriously.

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“Boy In The Striped Pajamas” Review

// December 9th, 2008 // 4 Comments » // Movie Review

Even the kid actor looks like Adolf.

Holy shit was this a depressing movie.  Don’t get me wrong, it’s well-shot, well-acted, well-written, and well, makes you lose hope in humanity and any sort of mercy that you think God (or whatever divine being you believe in) might have.  And for all you aetheists, I can see your point now after seeing this movie.

This is yet another Holocaust movie that makes you hate Nazi Germany and sympathize with Jewish people.  And while I think these types of films are made with great sensitivity, let me be insensitive and say the following:

WE GET IT!  The Holocaust sucked for Jewish people and the Nazis were fuckin’ jerkoffs for what they did to them!  But, do we still need to make movies about this subject matter?  I don’t need to be depressed anymore… JESUS!  Err, I mean, FALSE PROPHET!  Whatever.

If you’re in the mood to see a good quality and well-crafted film and don’t mind being in a shitty mood at the end of the film like you live in Seattle where the sun hardly comes out, then see this movie.  However, if you’re already suicidal and/or homicidal, do yourself a favor and skip this flick.

3.2/4.0 stars for normal people

0.8/4.0 stars for easily depressed people and Germans

“Four Christmases” Review

// November 28th, 2008 // No Comments » // Movie Review

The movie is what it is.  There is nothing spectacular about this movie, it’s something that can be watched on cable… if you have the time to spare.  In fact, I’m not really sure what I was expecting because it’s the same old, same old.  “Four Christmases” is a holiday romantic comedy with Vince Vaughn who plays what he always plays – a fast-talking sarcastic egoist who learns something about himself towards the end of the movie and ends up with the cute, cuddly, adorable chick, who is played by Reese Witherspoon in this case.

There are some moments as there always are in these types of movies that make you audibly laugh, but nothing “classic” like the jizz gel scene from “Something About Mary.”  Or the motorboat from “Wedding Crashers.”

Ah, FUCK IT!  I’m not going to try to justify my review here… save your money. Keeping this short like Witherspoon standing next to Vaughn.

1.5/4.0 stars.